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I think I am 95% desensitised to penis.
When I was younger and I used to worry that my enjoyment of uber violent films meant that I could find myself in a Die Hard style scenario, and would simply sellotape a pen knife to my back and throw myself into the mix without batting an eyelid.
It was a theory that was somewhat proven when I got held up at gunpoint a few years back.
I refused to give the gunman my bag without some kind of negotiation. My companions had either cleverly shoved their mobile phones into their knickers, or peremptorily handed over their bags, while I rued the day I decided to wear a dress and no underwear, whilst clutching onto my shopping.
The gunman told me not to be an idiot. But why change the habit of a lifetime?
“Because he could have shot you.” The police officer sternly informed me, surprisingly unimpressed by the fact I managed to save my purchases.
I was pretty sure the gun was fake. I’d seen plenty of guns. On screen. The officer kindly unholstered his gun and asked me if it had looked like that. Hmm, his looked fake too.
Penis has become guns for me.
And it’s all thanks to online flashers.
The threat of the 80s flasher, accessorised in a filthy mac, bumbling his way towards you, then whipping open his coat and waggling his willy at you, has now been brought into the digital age.
The sexual ambush that I have been subjected to on dating apps though amusing, is also quite disturbing. When did it become acceptable to send someone an unsolicited picture of your genitals? Or even worse, a video of you vigorously abusing said genitals?
The idea that you have ‘earned’ viewing rights to the horniness you unwittingly inspired is not as flattering as the sender thinks it is.
If someone tried to flash you in public it would be considered indecent to most. But social media functions like a blanket of anonymity for flashers to disappear into once someone hits report, block and delete.
There are no real consequences, other than the reduced chances of offenders ever getting to communicate with that person beyond a screen.
I, for one, don’t want to be sent another surreptitious picture of a penis in an “Oh my gosh you’ll never guess what my dick did….’ fashion again.
If I ever see one in real life again, I’m only going to think it’s fake.
Writer, philosopher, originator of urban myths and deliverer of ghetto fables. I discovered early on in life that I was a magnet for the surreal and wonderful. It's my duty to share it with you in the vain hope you will either learn from my example, or feel less alone in a crazy world. Life is a marathon and I run funny. Watch me go. For editorial pieces, copy or collaborations contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org Check out my editorial portfolio: www.runslikeabeigegirl.com/portfolio You can also see my copy projects at: www.cargocollective.com/seemaiyer